The perks of doing Yoga
by SuperstitiousSeaturtles
Summary: Alfred starts doing yoga. Arthur doesn't understand why. Francis gives him an idea. HumanAU, mild swearing, and innuendos. To be honest, this story is mostly innuendos.


'…Alfred? What on earth do you think you're doing?'

A bewildered Arthur Kirkland looked up from the book he was reading. 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. Because there's no reason _not _to read it twelve times.

He was currently sitting in their garden, between his beloved roses, which were blooming especially beautifully this year, with a cup of tea and a blanket wrapped around his lower half. Everything would've been perfect, had it not been for the fact he has been interrupted by an obnoxious american, busying himself with heaven knows what.

Alfred's position was very peculiar indeed. He was sat down, his legs unnaturally bent, trying to force his entire torso to face the other way than it should. When he heard Arthur he slowly turned his shoulders back to their usual position and started bending the other way, so that he could look at his partner.

'Yoga' he replied, panting slightly, as if it were the obvious answer.

'And may I inquire what has lead you to make the decision to start doing yoga?'

Alfred untangled his legs, stood up and shrugged. 'Gotta keep in shape. Y'know how it is.'

The Brit sipped on his tea and sighed. 'Very well. Although I still don't see why you would go with yoga, out of all sports. You always struck me as someone who would prefer to use their strength while exercising.'

'Oh, I do that too. I do kickboxing as well, to keep my stamina up and running. But stretching is important, too. You, of all people, should be very aware of that.' he gave Arthur something between a smirk and a grin, and winked at him mischievously.

'Shut it, you twat.' Arthur was currently trying to hide his face behind the book, so that Alfred wouldn't see it's burgundy shade, but it wasn't working very well.

'Yes siree!' the bigger man exclaimed, still smirking, and went back to the downward facing dog.

And even though he tried very hard, Arthur was not able to focus enough to read a single page.

* * *

'Yoga? That doesn't seem very… Alfred.'

'Well, that's what I told him. He doesn't seem to mind, though. And it would've been fine, of course, if only…'

Francis gave him a questioning look while pouring them both some wine. '_Oui_? If only what?'

'If only he didn't insist on doing it right in front of my face! I mean, can't he just sign up for a class? And I would really appreciate it if he would quit with the innuendos already. Honestly, how many jokes about stretching can one take in a week?!' Arthur huffed with exasperation.

'Oh, I believe I'm starting to see what the problem is.'

'Thank you! It's just so juvenile, and, quite frankly, bloody annoying!'

'…The problem is that you simply cannot resist Alfred's sexy yoga charms!' Francis raised his index finger up in the air, as if to emphasise the sheer truth seeping from those words of wisdom.

Arthur nearly choked on his merlot.

'_What?!_ Where the hell did you get that idea?!'

'It's all there, _lapin_. You can't take you'r eyes off his shapely butt, therefore you get annoyed at him for disturbing you, even though technically he is not doing anything to interfere with your daily schedule. Think about it.' The frenchman seemed very pleased with himself while he took the next sip from his glass. His british friend, however, didn't look any less irritated.

'First of all, I would rather you didn't pay that much attention to the shapeliness of my fiancée's butt. Secondly, I do not have to think about anything, because you're simply wrong. I just don't like seeing him act like a bloody kid, is all.'

'Oh, Arthur, I always thought you being in denial was _tres adorable_. You don't have to get so defensive. I bet this situation was precisely what Alfred was aiming for. To get you all worked up and shag you into the mattress afterwards. We both know you can be very cold and unaffectionate at times, I bet he's just hungry for_ l'amour_. Besides, imagine all the things he could do with his limbs, now that he's so… stretched.' there was a dreamy look in Francis' eyes, much to Arthurs dismay.

'Now you're just being ridiculous. And stop imagining him in compromising positions! I can _see_ what you're thinking, Francis!'

Arthur took another sip and, despite himself, pondered over what he had heard. Even though he would never admit it, there was a certain logic to what Francis just said. Plus, Alfred was definitely attention seeking, to say the least. It would be somewhat like him to try to lure Arthur into the bedroom by shoving his butt in his face. If that was the case, at least now Arthur knew what the stakes of the game were. And maybe he himself could have some fun playing it…

* * *

'Hey, Artie, do you mind giving me a hand here?'

Arthur looked up from a fascinating article about the positive effect of Rooibos on one's digestive system. Sure enough, Alfred was bent over, with his legs spread wide apart and his elbows almost, but not quite, touching the ground.

'Give you a hand with what, exactly? Have you finally decided to shove your head up your arse?' he averted his gaze back to the article allowing himself to smirk slightly, assuming Alfred wouldn't notice anyway, what with his current position.

'Ugh… Not exactly. Actually, I'm kinda… Stuck.' Alfred chuckled awkwardly, trying to hoist his upper body, but almost toppling over. 'I think I spread my legs too wide.'

Oh, that was too good. Arthur slowly closed his magazine and sat back in his armchair, smiling almost maliciously.

'Did you, now? That's a shame, I could think of at least five more convenient situations for you to do that.'

Alfred's face flushed, and it wasn't because his head was currently upside down.

'Okay, I get the point, now can you get your sweet ass down here and help me up?'

'Oh, so now it's a _sweet_ ass, is it? I feel honoured.'

The american huffed, making his glasses fall from his face (however he managed to keep them there so far was a mystery). 'C'mon, man! Don't be a jerkface, just c'mere and help me up!'

Arthur chuckled and slowly got up from his armchair, making his way over to his fiancée. Taking his time to look at the, indeed, very shapely butt, he walked around Alfred and stretched out his arms for him to pull himself up.

'That's what you get for constantly trying to tease me with your buttocks, love. Remember, karma can always come back and bite you in the arse. Which is very fitting.'

As soon as he pulled his damsel in distress into a standing position, he was met with a pout worthy of a four-year-old who just dropped his ice cream. He couldn't help but laugh at that.

'Come on, lighten up, dear. Now, what do you say we go upstairs and see if over a week of intensive yoga sessions has improved your stretching abilities, hmm?'

Alfred grinned. 'Sounds fun!' and with that he swept the Brit into his arms, who just rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Al's neck.

'By the way, when did you figure out I was actually trying to shag you?'

'You make it sound like we haven't had sex this week…'

'I know, I just find tricking you into having sex so much more fun! So? How did you know?' Arthur sighed at that.

'I'm not daft, you know? I notice things.'

'…You talked to Francis, didn't you?' Alfred asked, amused.

'Oh, shut up and kiss me, you idiot.'

And, gladly, he complied.

* * *

**Authors note:**

I wrote the first part of this a long time ago, found it among my files yesterday, and decided it had potential, so I finished it.

I believe that in humanAU, where Arthur is with Alfred, he meets up with Francis for wine and gossip sessions. And, of course, relationship advice. Because we all know that Francis is _so good_ with long term relationships…

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you leave me a review, I will telepathically squish your face and tell you you're the cutest ever and that I love you. And give you a cookie.


End file.
